As tryouts arrived my freshman year, the memories of getting cut in middle school started to haunt me. High school was a new start for me, and I believed anything was possible. Even though nerves and anxiety started to get the best of me, I felt that all the hard work and training would pay off. Conditioning and skills training during tryouts were harder than I ever imagined, but I knew that if I kept giving it my all, it would be one step closer to my dream. Waiting for the team roster to be posted was the longest day of my life. Seeing my name on the team roster, meant I would finally get to live my dream. On game day, when I put that uniform on for the first time, I felt like I was a part of something that was bigger than I was. Being on that court with my teammates, was a feeling I would never forget, but wouldn’t have to for another three years.
Playing for the freshman team was very rewarding, but being selected for the junior varsity team meant even more. As part of the junior varsity team, I was able to participate in drills and workouts with the varsity players. In doing this, I was able to develop my basketball skills, and build friendships with members of the varsity team. As a JV player, I also had access to the varsity coach, who helped to develop me as a player and a person. Coach Richard Patch ran his team like we were part of his family. One of my most memorable JV games was when I made four 3-pointers, and was nicknamed “Splash.” Our goal for that season was a trip to the state tournament. We were able to achieve our goal by attending the MA state tournament, but felt short to a stronger opponent. Whether win or lose, the camaraderie on the bus always brought us closer as a team.
With sites of making varsity my junior year, I trained all summer to improve my skills. Though I gave it my all during tryouts, but I fell short of varsity, and was able to stay on junior varsity. This allowed me to get more playing time. The varsity coach used me as a way to help the varsity players prepare for games. I like to think that this helped them achieve their 19-3 season. One of our most memorable games was a comeback where my defense helped us win the game. The highlight of that season was the anticipation of our teammate scoring his 1000th point on rivalry night. The team record earned us another trip to the MA state tournament. The excitement was bitter-sweet as we learned that our coach may not return next year. Once again we fell short, and our worst fears came true.
As senior approached, I knew it was going to be tough, with a new coach coming in. I knew that I would have to push myself twice as hard if I wanted to be part of the varsity team. After a good week of tryouts, I reached my goal of being part of the varsity basketball team. Putting on the varsity uniform and playing in my first game felt like a dream come true. Nothing could have prepared me for what it would feel like scoring my first varsity points. The sound of the crowd and the look on my parents’ faces made it all worth while. Being part of the varsity spaghetti dinners was our way to prepare for rivalry night. The proudest moment for my parents was celebrating senior night during our last home game. Walking on the court with my parents brought tears to my eyes. Although it wasn’t a successful season without Coach Patch, it was a season that will live within me for the rest of my life. The senior banquet brought a close to the season and a close on my basketball career.
Your writing is clear and reasonably competent here, but I think you've definitely taken on too large a "chunk" of experience to handle in a short essay. Can you focus this on one particular thing that you learned from playing basketball? and ten figure out the one or two (or several) incidents that best *show* how you learned this lesson.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be saying something about the satisfactions of being part of a team, or perhaps you could focus on Coach Patch and his influence. Or maybe there's some other focus you'd like to write about? Then try to figure out how you can best show this, or explore it, by remembering what it felt like to play, or be in the locker room, or listen to a courtside speech of the Coach, or something or other.
I'd be glad to talk to you more about this, or it might be useful to go to the Writing Center to talk out some options with a tutor.
Your essay is very interesting. I congratulate you for having achieved your goal.
ReplyDeleteMy recommendation is that you should write about your Varsity year. You should explain how do you get into the team, and how your Varsity year was. I know you did that, but I would like to see more details about your Varsity year, so I can be able to live that experience with you.
I agree with omayra ur essay was interesting and u had alot of visual detail i suggest you maybe add some more detail on why your team got a new coach and what influences coach patch made on you and your team.
ReplyDeleteMaking the varsity team is such an accomplishment, congratulations. I can tell from your essay that it took a lot of hard work and dedication.
ReplyDeleteI would love to read about one event in particular that stands out to you. What were you feeling? What were your teammates feeling? What were some triumphs and some downfalls? Did you and/or have any pre-game or post-game rituals?
You also mentioned how Coach Patch made you guys a family. That would definitely be something you could elaborate on.